How to Manage Disagreements
For this post, I want to get a bit more serious. Here are a few things to keep in mind when you and your partner get angry at each other:
Remember that you're fighting against the problem, not your significant other
Often times, it's hard not to take things personally. It's important to remember that there's always a reason behind someone's words and/or actions. It's a good to try to understand not only why your partner did something, but also their thought process behind it. That way, you can get a feel for their actions and in turn, understand where your significant other is coming from. Then, you can identify the true problem and have an idea on how to tackle it.
If you need head space, take it
One might think that leaving the room where the argument took place is bad, but it's sometimes the best thing you can do. I know for me, if I get very heated in an argument- the emotions and anger cloud my judgement. If my boyfriend attempts to talk it over immediately, I can't pinpoint exactly why I'm upset. I've learned that it's usually best to think things over in my head, alone. Whenever I feel like I've got a hold of myself, I try to communicate how I feel with my partner more precisely. This allows for a more efficient and calm conversation.
It's okay to not be in the right
Growing up in a non-communicative household, I was taught to always stick my ground in arguments. No matter if there was space for genuine conversation and change of perspective. Eventually, I learned that this is not okay. I don't always have to be right. It's okay to not be right. This is an especially important idea to reinforce with your partner. You and your significant other grew up differently, had different experiences- sometimes what you think isn't going to match up with what they think. It's good to distinguish your beliefs of what's right and wrong and try to merge them with what your partner thinks is good or bad and vice versa.
BOTH of you can be wrong
As I said in the previous point, it's okay to not be right. But it's also important to keep in mind that it's possible that both you and your partner messed up. This is likely going to be the case in most conflicts because nobody's perfect. It's difficult to separate your emotions during a disagreements and so one person might say something rude or do something that upsets the other. This then creates a domino affect causing the other partner to react a certain way to said actions. It's a good idea to recognize that "maybe both of us were in the wrong." So, instead of wasting time focusing on who was right or wrong, you now have to time to confront the problem head-on.
Establish post-argument rituals
I've noticed that after conflicts are solved, I really need love and affection from my boyfriend. It's a part of my love language. It reminds me that he still loves me (even though I know this already) but also that it's okay to argue. We had a disagreement and we're good to go back to our normal, silly selves. Your ritual can be based off of your unique love language. If you primarily enjoy receiving gifts, you can maybe ask your partner to buy you something after the argument to show their appreciation and love to you.
The YouTube video linked below explains more on what love languages there are and what they entail:
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| Source: nbsnews.com |
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